Technology Blows

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Dan Slimmon: welcome to Technology Blows A techno pessimist podcast where we explore all the ways technological innovation sucks up time and money and makes life worse I'm your host Dan Slimmon and my guest for this episode is my friend er vet and occasional purchaser of food Jackie Canny Jackie welcome to the pod

Jacqueline: Hello Thank you for

Dan Slimmon: Ugh

Jacqueline: me.

Dan Slimmon: Thank you for coming Jackie I'm so excited for this episode this is like very [00:01:00] Connecticut inside baseball and uh and I love that we are we found out kind of accidentally that we both feel very passionately about this topic today So I'm psyched

Jacqueline: so passionate about it.

Dan Slimmon: now A couple weeks ago you said something that made me so happy which is that you used to be perfectly happy with your wireless headphones you know had no problem with your wireless headphones They worked great And then what happened

Jacqueline: And then I listened to your podcast and I think that they heard your podcast and decided to just shit the bed completely. So. Uh, and now Keurigs are also following me everywhere that I go, like massive Keurigs. So you've

Dan Slimmon: Hell yeah

Jacqueline: the zeitgeist here? Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah It's like a fi it's final destination shit

Jacqueline: Yeah. I'm worried about what's gonna happen this podcast test.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah Yeah You're gonna have Marty following you around

Jacqueline: Yeah. I [00:02:00] mean, I already have one, but now it's gonna be a robot,

Dan Slimmon: right No that's that's true Yeah For um but in case you don't know Jackie's husband is named Marty

Jacqueline: unfortunate given this podcast.

Dan Slimmon: so you're gonna be pretty you're gonna it's gonna be you're gonna be doing a lot of a lot of double takes today

Jacqueline: Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm.

Dan Slimmon: That's great This is what we're trying to do with this podcast is like open people's eyes to ways in which technology is failing them like a lot of people are like well I'm gonna you know I'm gonna ignore this when it breaks and pay attention to it when it doesn't break And I wanna like get get that into people's lives so they're angrier at technology cause I think that's important

Jacqueline: Yeah, absolutely.

Dan Slimmon: So so speaking of Marty in case anybody listening doesn't know what Marty is Marty is a robot at the supermarket in Connecticut and New York and Massachusetts that just rolls around the [00:03:00] supermarket getting in everybody's way doing God knows what he's six seven a hundred thirty pounds of pure largeness and he's slow as hell And for the remainder of this episode I'm gonna try to remember to refer to Marty as it rather than him to avoid carrying water for the Stop and Shop corporation cause they're very invested in having Marty be you know a character with a personality rather than a soulless robot

Jacqueline: Yeah, it sounds, uh, familiar to the stats of some head of state that we might all be familiar with.

Dan Slimmon: It sounds very familiar Yeah that's a good point but in this case it is virtuous today we're gonna find out Where exactly Marty came from and what makes Marty so widely hated by consumers like you and me so supermarkets are a weird thing right Right Jackie

Jacqueline: Yeah,

Dan Slimmon: Yeah[00:04:00]

Jacqueline: in, in concept, yeah, I could,

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: where you're going maybe with

Dan Slimmon: Supermarkets are fucking weird

How supermarkets became a thing
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Dan Slimmon: So if you go to if you went to a shop if you went grocery shopping in an American city in the 1920s chances are you're going to a corner store where which is entirely different from a modern supermarket that that that that whole idea of a supermarket didn't exist You would go to this corner store and first of all the goods wouldn't be stocked nicely on shelves in neat patterns They're mostly in like crates or buckets or just out loose and you don't touch anything You tell the grocer you give the grocer your list of stuff you want you get you usually haggle with him over the price of everything and then he takes down your order and a little while later your groceries get delivered to your house That's how that's how it used to work Buying groceries in a city in the United States which sounds okay That sounds fine to me

Jacqueline: kind of [00:05:00] sounds, yeah, I like the haggling, you

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I could haggle At least I'm talking to a person if I'm haggling

Jacqueline: Yeah, no, that sounds great.

Dan Slimmon: I got I mean you get cause you can still get your groceries delivered to your house with apps Now we reinvented You know food delivery to your house but I don't usually I go to the store um and if I got it delivered to my house how would I know it has the right amount of e coli on it You know in in the 1920s this food's all sitting around in open air People are just picking it out with a box with bare hands Uh Right It's probably got like just the right amount of bacteria

Jacqueline: Just enough to keep you going. Mm-hmm.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah it's yeah exactly It's it's healthy it's natural I I think um by the way I get all my health advice from RFK Jr

Jacqueline: Yeah, it's becoming obvious.

Dan Slimmon: The first chain grocery store in the US is [00:06:00] uh so it's got a very silly name and it still exists in some parts of the south and also eastern Wisconsin It's called Piggly Wiggly

Jacqueline: Stop it.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: Stop

Dan Slimmon: Wiggly Huge

Jacqueline: No,

Dan Slimmon: Visionaries Yeah

Jacqueline: They

Dan Slimmon: Piggly Wiggly It's got a cute little pig logo Yeah Yeah They were the first chain grocery store to have they invented putting the products on shelves instead of just having them in buckets

Jacqueline: That

Dan Slimmon: and

Jacqueline: blowing.

Dan Slimmon: it was

Jacqueline: I mean, imagine.

Dan Slimmon: Right right They went to the owner of Pigg Wiggly must have gone to like the the 1910 World's Fair and been like shelves these are gonna be huge

there was no haggling anymore Right cause everything's labeled with a price tag and the interior of the shop is a lot brighter and cleaner You know a lot [00:07:00] less natural if you ask me and these these take off so like mm-hmm We start to see um in response to like how many chain grocery stores there are we start to see standard shaped cans and packages for food for like processed food with like appealing logos on them that need that are supposed to be placed in a certain way to make an appealing design on the store shelf That that sort of stuff starts happening with with Biggly Wiggly which which every time I say it I know I know

Uh yeah I'm gonna start throwing it into a sections of the the script that is not even in just to just to get a little cheap laugh Uh I it's also around this time that um we first start getting shopping carts So like which really cleaned up the floor plan of a grocery store right You start to see these big wide straight aisles with the items on either side as you walk [00:08:00] down it So you can just pull things off the shelf put em in the cart the classic you know American grocery shopping experience that we all that we all know and love Like a little bit of a little bit of adult contemporary music on the pa you're you're pushing around your shopping cart You occasionally picking up a can or a box and holding it in front of your face Maybe you run into Rhonda from church and have a chat about last night's episode of Sullivan Just like very iconic American shit it turns out this is way more profitable than running a corner or a grocery store

Jacqueline: No way.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: No way.

Dan Slimmon: Who knew Who knew

Jacqueline: haggling, if we didn't wanna keep the haggling.

Dan Slimmon: right right well yeah they realized like wait we just have all the food We don't need to haggle with anybody and also you make a lot more you you make a lot more like impulse buys if everything's out on shelves and you have to walk around the whole store to get to where you're look what you're [00:09:00] looking for rather than just like giving your list to the grocer you end up buying a lot more stuff uh which is great for the which is great for the stores this is incidentally is why in supermarkets now they have the the middle section is all is like all processed foods And then around the outside they have all the stuff where they make their actual margins Like the the dairy and the produce and the and the um fish and everything that goes around the outside so that you have to walk all the way around the store and pass all the aisles where that you might where you might see something that you want and buy that

Jacqueline: Makes so much sense. 'cause I get kind of annoyed, especially at these like massive supermarkets where I'm just like, why is everything that I need on either side of the walls? But now, uh, all part of the design. Okay,

Dan Slimmon: they they've thought of everything I mean the modern

Jacqueline: even more mad walking

Dan Slimmon: yeah Uh great great Bring it [00:10:00] on Yeah I get so I I can't even they al they always seem to be playing jar of hearts by Christina um Christina jar of hearts By Christina Perry they all seem to be playing Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry which is one of my least favorite songs and it's on the pa it's on like the the Stop and Shop playlist every time I go So I'm and I can't not focus on some people can just like tune out the PA while they're there and not hear the ads and all this constant prattle but I can't do it It pisses me off every time

Jacqueline: No. And the other awful, this is a sec aside thing, but the other awful thing is that they're like, um, when they're trying to like. someone, the like first ding sound that they use is the same that we have in the veterinary hospital to say that there's like a

Dan Slimmon: Oh no

Jacqueline: run to go do CPR. And [00:11:00] so all of the veterinarians and staff that I work with like get triggered every time that they're in a grocery store. It's bad.

Dan Slimmon: Holy crap That's awful Jackie

Jacqueline: Yeah. I

Dan Slimmon: can can't you get the hospital to can't you get the hospital to change the sound

Jacqueline: See, in my mind, the grocery store should be changing

Dan Slimmon: That's true That's true They're the ones that suck

Jacqueline: Yeah, exactly.

Dan Slimmon: So so supermarkets like piss everybody off There are lots of things about supermarkets that we all hate but they are highly standardized highly profit optimized stores where every square inch of every surface has been meticulously designed to maximize people making impulse purchases or buying the things that have the highest margin You know it's all very very carefully planned out [00:12:00] so the companies that sell food to the supermarkets the the manufacturers of processed foods or the like big farm chains that sell the sell them their produce would really love to be able to get That primo shelf real estate that's that's what's going to really drive their business is if they you can get stop and shop to put their their product in like an eye level uh near the end of the row Or better yet like an end cap where they're they're all the products are arranged in like a nice little display at the end of the aisle that's called an end cap But up until like the 1980s they don't really have anything to offer the supermarkets in exchange for better placement of their products like they they would be willing to sell their products to the supermarkets at a substantial discount in exchange for better placement on the shelf but they're not allowed to do that That's pricing discrimination and that's illegal it's illegal thanks to [00:13:00] the Robinson Patman Act which was passed in 1936 as part of the New Deal for so for example like if you're Nabisco you're not allowed to sell a hundred cases of Oreos to Walmart for a hundred dollars a 25 pound case and then turn around and offer a hundred cases of Oreos to like Gino's market down down the street for $120 a case that's that's against that's a violation of the Robinson Patman Act The FTC will will come get you until until ha you guessed where that was going So uh in the 1980s finally under the under the Bright Star in the night sky of Ronald Reagan the Federal Trade Commission pretty much entirely stopped enforcing the Robinson Patman Act

Jacqueline: No, I'm surprised he doesn't show up more often in your podcast. So

Dan Slimmon: I he shows up

Jacqueline: right.

Dan Slimmon: He sh Yeah I mean [00:14:00] he's God what a what a what an icon I would like to get more opportunities to talk about Ronald Reagan but the problem is there's so many terrible people to talk about Um yeah he was he was really he was really an incredible doer of bad things so yeah So they're not they're not enfor they don't enforce it They're like oh well business like let businesses grow Businesses should be able to be as big as they want and nobody should tax them And so just like let em do whatever they want That's that's the Ronald Reagan way So what happens is as a result of this is is exactly what you think would happen Walmart Yeah Yeah right You you you go spot spot on I said Walmart You were like life got better because obviously that's what we associate with Walmart Every time Walmart comes up Walmart figures out they can like negotiate They're big they're getting bigger They can negotiate preferential discounts from all of their vendors so they can start lowering prices [00:15:00] on many of the items in their store lower than any of their local competition who don't get those discounts and drive all the other markets out of business Which rules

Jacqueline: Yeah. Life is, life is really good because of that. We're thriving here.

Dan Slimmon: Mm-hmm I love it

Jacqueline: Nothing bad happened.

Dan Slimmon: And then and then everything was great And then now now we live in a utopia right so like everybody starts doing this because it works for so well for Walmart and there's this avalanche of supermarket consolidation over the next several decades Through mergers and acquisitions they're all like cannibalizing each other and making bigger and bigger supermarket chains Today more than half of all US food sales go to just eight brands of supermarket and 65 of the food consumed in US households is purchased at supermarkets warehouse clubs and super centers This is just [00:16:00] like basically how we get food now in this country

That's up from 35 So as of 1990 there was 35 of food consumed in US households was purchased at at supermarkets So so that it's up up to 65 in the last like 30 years So supermarkets really have a lot to be thankful to Ronald Reagan for as do we all

Jacqueline: Yeah. I,

Dan Slimmon: What are you j

Jacqueline: wake up in the morning and I say, thank you Ronald Reagan

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: everything that you did. Yeah,

Dan Slimmon: Same Sometimes I sometimes I keep my wife awake chanting it in my sleep Jackie what are you most thankful to Ronald Reagan for

Jacqueline: Oh my God, there's so much to

Dan Slimmon: there's so much I'll tell you what I'm most thankful for Oh God Yeah I'm so happy we don't have drugs anymore

Jacqueline: yeah. That problem was solved.

Dan Slimmon: I personally am most thankful for the deregulation of healthcare I think that was great

Jacqueline: We'd be

Dan Slimmon: the bru

Jacqueline: if we didn't mention that.

Dan Slimmon: [00:17:00] the brutal authoritarian regime in Nicaragua has gotta be a close second go anyway so now that we're done talking about I think that's all we need to talk about Ronald Reagan I think we're done with Ron Reagan although he might you know who knows He might come out Um he might he might come off later if anybody's wondering This is a Ronald Reagan cast Uh so so like this consolidation of everybody getting bigger and bigger also extends to the to the producers of food the food vendors because they realize well if there's one big vendor they that has a much better negotiating position than like a bunch of little vendors So if we we you know we all need to like group up into bigger companies so we can get better deals from the supermarkets this is exactly the kind of thing that the Robinson Patman Act was explicitly put in place to prevent Uh yeah so it's so so it's great news for the few companies that end up [00:18:00] huge as a result of this scramble and it's awful news for basically every other class of person in America especially consumers and especially consumers in rural areas and poor urban areas where it's not profitable to build a whole supermarket Many of these areas become what are called food deserts Have you heard of food deserts

Jacqueline: Yeah, I, uh, visited kind of one of the poorer areas of the country in South Dakota on one of the reservations out there, and it like is a very different way of life, um, and really challenging to get really good nutrition. And they have, there's no big supermarket and so then all of the local. Stores don't have as good of a choice of produce, which is a challenge.

Dan Slimmon: Yes all over the country there are places like that and that's not a thing that really existed before [00:19:00] supermarkets um before before supermarkets existed to drive all the the local markets out of out of business and replace them So you know another thing to thank Daddy Reagan for God rest his soul

Jacqueline: Yeah, we weren't done. We thought we were

Dan Slimmon: We I thought we were but you know it turns out he just keeps he just keeps coming into the story anyway so

Ahold Delhaize deploys Marty
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Dan Slimmon: one of these one of these big fish remaining after this struggle is a company called Ahold Delhaize I'm definitely pronouncing that wrong there It's Dutch Dutch cannot be pronounced by human mouths So

Jacqueline: Beautiful language.

Dan Slimmon: Oh yeah I I would I would I would imitate it but I would immediately be canceled off the I would have my podcast license revoked anyway Ahold Delhaize is the name of this company they're a conglomerate in The Netherlands um that by the late 2010s owns a shitload of supermarket brands including around a thousand food lions [00:20:00] dotting the Mid-Atlantic region from Georgia all the way up to Pennsylvania They have 350 giant supermarkets serving mostly Maryland Virginia and Pennsylvania They have around 180 Hannafords scattered across northern New England and down along the Hudson River Valley And then finally they have around 350 stop and shops which are concentrated in southern New England but whose domain stretches all the way from Rhode Island down to Toms River New Jersey Now you and I Jackie live in Connecticut which is stop and shop country Do you do you stop at do you do you stop at shop and shop

Jacqueline: Stop. Um,

Dan Slimmon: do You stop o at the shop O Oh God

Jacqueline: I stop o Chapo sometimes. I used to, and then there was this robot and also, uh, and their check, uh, self checkout is like the worst self-checkout that has ever existed and I

Dan Slimmon: But it sucks

Jacqueline: [00:21:00] time. So I stopped going to stop and shop unless I like, absolutely have to. yeah, those are my feelings.

To stop shop.

Dan Slimmon: you know unfortunately it's a little too convenient for me to quit it but

Jacqueline: No.

Dan Slimmon: um but I probably I don't know the I should do I I I'm planning to do an episode on uh self checkouts at some point because that's that whole system is a whole other thing that pisses me off every time I go to the grocery store It's like the grocery store is designed to make me so furious so So yeah I stop I shop at Stop and Shop and shop and shop has a a huge amount of power in our state because in a lot of areas it's the only place to buy groceries They they have the power to do things like suppress labor prices They have the power to extract deep discounts from suppliers and perversely even though they do so much to to make sure that their their [00:22:00] supplier prices are down stop and shop also has the power to keep food prices artificially high in a lot of regions Because again like if you live in fucking Lebanon and you need to do a grocery run you're probably headed either to the Stop and Shop in Colchester or the Stop and Shop in Willimantic there's you know otherwise you're gonna drive you have to drive another 15 minutes to the next grocery store so they can kind of charge whatever they want It's great And so and and like every supermarket Stop and shop has to play this constant game where they're making small tweaks to the price of all the items They're they're where the items are on the shelves and and all this which is profitable at scale because it lets them get all these like sweet deals with different suppliers and it lets them eek out a center a center two of profit margin on one or the other item here and there And that that adds up when you're making as many sales as as 350 stop and shops do so it's rather labor intensive to do all this right Like employees have to walk [00:23:00] up and down all the aisles check the prices make sure everything's in stock stocked and in compliance with the with you know the the planogram which is the master diagram where of where all the items are supposed to be placed on the shelves Like it takes uh they estimate it takes like 80 labor hours or more to check all this stuff for the whole supermarket And then you just gotta start right back over So it's it's very labor intensive

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: This is the situation in late 2018 when workers at Stop and Shop are in the process of negotiating a new contract with Stop and Shop The their current contract is set to expire on February 23rd 2019 and stop and Shop Court corporate is just salivating at the chance to to fuck these workers over They want to eliminate premium pay on national holidays and and some days they want to eliminate any any raises They wanna reduce their pension contributions massively increase employee healthcare costs They're just like what what what more [00:24:00] can we do to make these people's lives a living hell And that's where their heads are at uh in early 2019 Yeah Yeah How about how about no how about you get nothing is the is Stop and Shop's attitude So they're looking to put some pressure on these labor unions you know show em they can't push little old stop and shop around anymore And in January of 2019 stop and Shop announces they're gonna deploy a new fleet of hyper-efficient perfectly obedient retail robots to extend their teams which they're leasing from a company called Badger Technologies this is how they refer to him too Every time they refer to to Marty they're like they're like Marty is a member of our valued member of our team who uh helps makes helps associates spend less time restocking shelves and more time doing what [00:25:00] they love to do which is interfacing with customers

Jacqueline: Everybody loves to interface with customers. Nobody wants break

Dan Slimmon: Yeah that's if I know one thing about retail it's uh customers are always great and we love talking to em

Jacqueline: Yeah, they're so great.

Marty's supposed jobs
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Dan Slimmon: so Badger Technologies is founded by this guy Tim Rowland Tim Rowland worked as an engineer for IBM for a decade and and for Lexmark the printer ink manufacturer uh for for almost two decades And which which you know somebody went through Lexmark you know there's there's something wrong with their moral compass cause like the you know the amount the amount that they charge for printer ink is is just criminal

Jacqueline: It's highway Ry.

Dan Slimmon: It is really bad and so Roland he leaves Le Lexmark in 2017 and he founds this company to build robots for retail applications Uh and within the year this comp his company Badger gets acquired by this [00:26:00] multinational manufacturing conglomerate called Jabil I've never heard of it either It's large I think they do I think they have a lot of defense contracts there seems to be a revolving door between like the defense industry and Badger Technologies for various reasons I

Jacqueline: Not surprised,

Dan Slimmon: yeah not surprising That's what you do when you can when you can build robots So Badger Technologies develops this their robot called Marty which the company claims is an acronym for Mobile Autonomous Robot Technology

Jacqueline: so lame.

Dan Slimmon: She's so fucking lame

Jacqueline: It's so lame. How

Dan Slimmon: It doesn't

Jacqueline: It also doesn't pick sense, I guess the technology. Like at the

Dan Slimmon: technology I don't maybe

Jacqueline: No.

Dan Slimmon: it's it's so lame It it I re I think it's probably it must gotta be a acronym right Where they were like well Marty Mart is a short for market and [00:27:00] so it name should be Marty How do we make that into an acronym just like fuck off call

Jacqueline: it here yet.

Dan Slimmon: call it the Badger Technologies like JF 9,000 or whatever or just call it Marty Say its name is Marty Yeah Bad Bachelor's A cool name right What

Jacqueline: Badger's a really cool name, but like, I don't know.

Dan Slimmon: You can't fool us Marty's not my friend Um Marty Marty

What Marty looks like (ugly) and acts like (dumb)
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Dan Slimmon: So lemme describe Marty Marty looks like if Beloved children's character Gumby had unprotected sex with a Roomba

Jacqueline: Oh my God. That's really, that's, yeah, that's pretty good.

Dan Slimmon: that's how that's what I see every time I look at him

Jacqueline: this? Oh my God. Now I'm gonna think about, have I ever crossed paths with that guy again?

Dan Slimmon: he's got this like bulky squareish part at the bottom which is the Roomba part Maybe two feet on his side one foot and a half high matte black rubber you know bumper section And then [00:28:00] he's got I I said he again it has uh what I'll what I'll call a stem which is a narrow sort of toothbrush handle looking dark gray part that extends upward from the base And he's and it's about it comes to about six and a half feet high off the ground the stem is where most of the sensors are It's got it's covered in like cameras and glowing blue lights and shit And finally Marty has sort of a hammerhead shark looking ass head with a glowing blue unibrow over two huge googly eyes

Jacqueline: Go eyes, make it.

Dan Slimmon: The we will talk about the Google eyes The Google eyes are so important

Jacqueline: about the googly

Dan Slimmon: The the Google eyes are are much more important in my opinion than any of the cameras to to what makes Marty work well for Stop and Shop yeah so basically basically what Marty does is it wanders [00:29:00] around the supermarket at about one mile an hour getting in everyone's way You know you're just trying to get to the sliced cheese and here comes this lumbering fool to block the goddamn aisle and start twirling around because it can't figure out which way to go It's like move dipshit You're not even here to buy anything

Jacqueline: I mean, it's bad enough with all the old people around, but then you throw this guy in here and

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: chaos. Chaos.

Dan Slimmon: he's also a big old creeper Like sometimes I'll be focused on you know I we'll be like squeezing tomatoes to see if they're ripe and I'll turn around to grab a plastic bag and this lanky ass weirdo will be two feet away from me just staring down at me with its lifeless eyes The

Jacqueline: is when you're like coming around like a corner, just expecting like normal

Dan Slimmon: yeah

Jacqueline: and then there he is and

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: like backed away and then like went somewhere else just to avoid him.

Dan Slimmon: And he sort [00:30:00] of turns around as you're going as you're walking around him

Jacqueline: turn,

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I think they should have I think they should build like a fan and a heating coil into Marty so that it can like breathe hot breath on people's neck while it's standing behind them I think that would really complete the picture

Jacqueline: that already. It's just to

Dan Slimmon: Yeah that's true He's like irradiating you with 5G yeah so speaking of the eyes Marty didn't always have eyes The person who came up with the idea for the googly eyes was Tina Song an employee at at a Harrisburg Pennsylvania supermarket And the googly eyes are I like I said what makes Marty worthwhile for Stop and Shop to have because they They they turned they turned Marty from like a menacing piece of machinery into something that at least children can look at and think is cute

Jacqueline: Do they have to like custom make the eyes or is that just something that you can like [00:31:00] on

Dan Slimmon: She she went to a Tina song went to like a Marshalls or whatever and uh Michael's which one's The Crow Craft store Michael's Michael's She went to a Michael's or whatever and got like giant googly eyes They had em at they had em and she just like popped him on there

Jacqueline: I don't know if I'm like really happy with Tina's song right now or like, it's just like, why'd you lean in there, Tina?

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: lean in?

Dan Slimmon: Right You don't have to be extra This is not they're not paying you to make the robot cute

Jacqueline: she get a

Dan Slimmon: yeah I certainly wouldn't have done it

Jacqueline: No,

Dan Slimmon: I don't think so I would assume based on what I know about Stop and Shop and it's labor practices she did not um she might have gotten like a she might have gotten like an Amazon gift card or something

Jacqueline: Stop and

Dan Slimmon: Um so but you know it worked it worked great Like even though it was a terrible she didn't she didn't know what she [00:32:00] was doing She was just like oh this robot's kind of weird looking I'll put some eyes on it She had no idea what she was doing when she did that which is which which has done a lot of damage to the culture of New England and New York I think Anyway so Marty has two two main jobs It actually is supposed to do it One wanders the store looking for spills This is what you see if you go there This is what it's doing it as it like wanders around sort of aimlessly and spins around And this is what it's doing It is trying to find like anything that's spilled on the floor that somebody could slip on that would be dangerous according to a white paper put out by Badger Technologies in its in its slip prevention capacity Quote the robot pays for itself in a matter of months by reducing falls and the losses from expensive lawsuits settlements and lost associate productivity

Jacqueline: I have not once heard of somebody having like a catastrophic fall. In a [00:33:00] supermarket to the point of claiming that this robot was doing something so special and so great. have you, am I

Dan Slimmon: I have not No I think you're a hundred percent right Jackie I did see somebody fall in a stop and shop one time but they had pa they passed out They didn't slip on something they like passed out and fell to the floor I've never seen anybody slip I've never talked to anybody who like slipped at the supermarket and and felt they might sue Uh this is not as I don't know

Jacqueline: happens. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but like

Dan Slimmon: Sure

Jacqueline: of then like going

Dan Slimmon: But is it

Jacqueline: defense contract company,

Dan Slimmon: Right

Jacqueline: a robot, putting googly eyes on said robot, and then reporting on eye robot and how

Dan Slimmon: right

Jacqueline: 'cause it prevents slips like.

Dan Slimmon: I think largely they were giving it they introduced the robot because [00:34:00] it was something they could do to put pressure on the labor strike but I can't prove that um to be like Hey we're replacing you with this robot and that was the main thing They were try I think that was the main thing they were trying to achieve Because this sounds completely implausible to me that this is gonna pay for itself This thing costs 35 to $50,000 a year per store to to are you really getting 30 to $50,000 a year in like law legal fees per store by for people who like claim to slip and fall And if so Also that's not my problem Like why you can't it's not you shouldn't be able to make that my problem by putting this ugly ass robot in the store to get in my way all the time it doesn't even clean up the spills right Like it No no no no It rolls around until it happens across what it thinks is a spill and then it stops and its lights switch from blue to yellow to warn customers away until somebody can come you know [00:35:00] then uh Marty you know they need multiple Martys Here I'm gonna show you a clip I'm gonna show you a clip of Marty in action here Caution hazard detected.

So that's what he does Um that's what it that's what it does as Now one thing you may notice about that video is there's nothing there There's no there's no spill

Jacqueline: Not a spill around. Nope.

Dan Slimmon: it goes caution hazard detected And then uh something something I don't know enough Spanish to know exactly what it says Something something and it flashes yellow and it tells everybody like get away It's dangerous over here

Jacqueline: He gets one point in the win column for [00:36:00] being bilingual.

Dan Slimmon: Sure

Jacqueline: him that.

Dan Slimmon: sure

Jacqueline: him that.

Dan Slimmon: They should do it in I I would prefer to hear it in French but it's probably more useful to have it in Spanish in the United States I wonder if the ones in Hannaford do it in French

Jacqueline: that's a good point.

Dan Slimmon: The other thing Marty does is he checks prices So he they it has five cameras on its stem and it ro goes up and down the aisles I think every morning with a and shines a bright light on each on each section of the aisle and checks to make sure all of the prices match the what's in the store's database and the locations of the items match what's in the store's database and there's nothing out of stock

Jacqueline: So technology works all of the time and it's really great and never has an issue. I can't imagine that there's any inventory issues related to Marty checking prices. Based off of a database that I'm assuming a person [00:37:00] is supposed to be responsible for.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah that's a great That's a great point because there's many places in this chain at which they can fail to put things in properly or get it I mean Marty makes mistakes but also the mar the manager updating the database makes the mistakes There's like dis there's like discrepancies between prices in different place in like where they're written down different places There's lots of different ways that this can go wrong Marty according to Badger Technologies is better at this than a person And I maybe believe it I I don't know I could believe that because a person you know it's tedious work that you would get distracted while you're checking all the prices but is it worth it No According to that white paper from before Badger Technologies conducted rigorous side by side comparison tests in which the robot and human personnel were asked to report out of stock conditions on identical aisles And they tested to see which one's faster which is like a modern [00:38:00] John Henry Epic style competition Um but instead of like a folk hero racing against a steam drill it's this dorky ass robot against some board teenager named Zaden making minimum wage

Jacqueline: that's like a controlled environment. So then like what happens when I am Transversing, like one side of the grocery store and then like through their little trap to get me to buy more stuff and I pick something up and I'm in a different aisle and I'm like, you know what? I really don't want that.

And the grocery store is so massive that I'm not returning it back to its original spot. So I put it in a shelf. 'cause we all do it.

Dan Slimmon: Yep

Jacqueline: We all do it.

Dan Slimmon: Absolutely I've done that

Jacqueline: that.

Dan Slimmon: N no no

Jacqueline: Are we just trying to fuck with Marty now?

Dan Slimmon: he doesn't so it doesn't there of course Badger is always making promises about new functionality that Marty will have once they once they implement an AI model or whatever the fuck they're saying these week this week no that's [00:39:00] not gonna happen That's a person's job anyway that's that's what those are the two main things Marty does at least as far as I can tell today and for all this incredible functionality one Marty will set you back somewhere between 35 and $50,000 a year Which puts stop and shop's overall Marty spend between about 12 million and $18 million a year

Jacqueline: Seems worth it for two functions

Dan Slimmon: or two functions that it doesn't even do well

Jacqueline: and the third of creeping out all people who crossed paths with Marty.

Dan Slimmon: Absolutely Like a grocery store management would never hire a person and be like okay so your job is to wander around the store kind of not looking where you're going and almost bumping into people until you find something that's spilled on the floor and then like stand there and wave your arms and shout in English and Spanish That would be completely unacceptable So I don't see why it's [00:40:00] acceptable when the robot does it

Jacqueline: I think I might enjoy that just as far as a novel experience of a person

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: something like

Dan Slimmon: Actually

Jacqueline: that that might be endearing.

Dan Slimmon: Right

The union wins, in spite of Marty
---

Dan Slimmon: alright so so stop and shop announces there Marty rollout in January of 2019 And I don't want to give the impression that that like this was the main issue in the labor dispute they they already were working on their contract before this was announced but certainly like Stop and shop management had labor relations top of mind when they introduced Marty and unions saw the timing of this rollout as a like a direct affront in any case in March of 2019 UFCW local 3 71 of Connecticut which represents stop and shop associates throughout the state authorizes a strike Were you here for this strike Jackie I don't know when you moved to Connecticut

Jacqueline: I was still in New York during that time

Dan Slimmon: uh yeah The only

Jacqueline: We weren't stop

Dan Slimmon: I had a Wegman's

Jacqueline: and now

Dan Slimmon: uh

Jacqueline: the

Dan Slimmon: [00:41:00] Wegman's it was it it kind of rule It was it was kind of a good strike Um lasted 11 days and the union leaders estimate stop and shop lost about $20 million a day during the strike which kicks ass That's one that's

Jacqueline: Marty a day almost.

Dan Slimmon: Marty one Marty rollout at one fleet of Marty's a day and and it's a and it's a win for the union although like the win is that they get to keep their same benefits and time and a half pay on Sundays and raises that they already had So it's like I don't know That's kind of the best result you can hope for now in a labor strike in the in the post daddy Reagan era So we'll call it a we'll call it a win anyway the the strike strike's over They're like

Marty learns new skills, which it also sucks at
---

Dan Slimmon: everybody's back at work but Marty stays on Marty's Marty's here to stay and o and over the over the years Badger has built more and more functionality into Marty with as far as I can tell not a ton of success selling it [00:42:00] They they seem to be grasping at a lot of straws about like what can we what can we make this robot do That's that's both feasible and marketable to supermarkets and I don't think they have a lot of great ideas So one one thing Marty does or at least one of the things Badger has built and offered for Marty to do it's unclear whether anyone has taken them up on this is UV cleaning So UV cleaning So they they attach the ar they attach these big arms to it and it goes around as it's scanning the shelves and the arms are have ultraviolet lights on em and it goes through the aisles and just like shoots everything with ultraviolet light to kill like bacteria Now Jackie as a medical professional how does that strike you as a functionality for Supermarket Robot

Jacqueline: Seem like it's gonna work very well. Dan,

Dan Slimmon: Really Really Hmm

Jacqueline: follow up question. Can Marty [00:43:00] handle having arms when he can't handle having wheels?

Dan Slimmon: Uh luckily they're like fixed and attached rigidly to Marty's body so he can't like swing them around and smack anybody or but he also can't hug

Jacqueline: It's so sad.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I can't imagine the UV thing works very well I don't know I talk I spoke to my wife about it who's also a veterinarian and her strong opinion was that like the main thing like the main and kind of the only important thing if you're trying to prevent the spread of bacteria is is cleaning As if everything's clean You're like 90 of the way there

Jacqueline: Yeah, the UV would just be like on top of that, but not

Dan Slimmon: right

Jacqueline: statistically helpful. Whatever she says, I trust.

Dan Slimmon: Okay good good Yeah Well [00:44:00] then I'll um maybe yeah she won't listen to the episode but um Kristin if you do happen if you listening thanks for that little tidbit Another function Badger has pitched for Marty is that Marty can have a screen attached to it and become part of your retail media network

Jacqueline: I've always wanted another thing to be part of my retail media network.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: I've been asking for it, and finally someone listened.

Dan Slimmon: How else are you gonna know what deals there are and what deals you might be interested in This is their this is their big idea Like stick an iPad on it and play ads as it's riding around the store retail media network is not a phrase that I knew before I researched this episode and I wish I could go back to the time before I knew that that was a term

so far their media retail media network seems to be just the prattle over the PA and then occasionally playing Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry[00:45:00]

Jacqueline: Really targeting you specifically?

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I really I think so I think Mar I can't prove this but I think Marty's doing facial recognition on just me and uh modifying the playlist every time I come into the store I

Jacqueline: Yeah. I, I

Dan Slimmon: Um

Jacqueline: He should be, and he sounds like he's greeting you as well. When you're squeezing your tomatoes.

Dan Slimmon: yeah

Uh it's me Just leans over Hey Dan I know you like Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry here Um there's there's also a variant of Marty called Patrol Bot that Badger technology makes which is supposed to do like security guard work

Um

Jacqueline: identify himself differently? All these,

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: robots are men also

Dan Slimmon: it well Oh for for for a hundred percent sure it does identify itself differently It's yellow I think and it has like a [00:46:00] big uh like a police light on the top of it all it does well no it doesn't That's a great question Jackie No Badger Technologies doesn't have the brass balls to give Marty a gun It they're cowards

Jacqueline: I think Marty needs a gun.

Dan Slimmon: That would really change the energy of the stop and shop

That guy Did you ever see that Did you see that video of the guy who talks about um how he he like gives a little tutorial on how every time he comes to the grocery store before going in he does like a visual inspection of the surroundings to make sure there's no threats And he like assesses every you you know okay I'm looking over there There's there's no threats over here I don't see anybody carrying a gun and now I'm gonna prepare to enter the store

Jacqueline: Yeah. My guy's not gonna stop and shop.

Dan Slimmon: no no no Or he is to get the thrill the thrill of of like ducking down behind the [00:47:00] apple cart every time he sees Marty the patrol bot I can't I don't think as far as I can tell has not been a success all it can really do is check the fire extinguishers then make sure all the fire extinguishers are there and there's no like dam doors locked that aren't supposed to be locked and shit like that and it also it only works if the environment is completely flat and cl clear of obstacles cause it's a rolling robot So how can that possibly be useful

Jacqueline: Thank God it has Marty to make sure that all the obstacles are clear. The two are working in tandem.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah they're not even gonna need staff anymore Just in fact they could probably replace the manager with a robot too

Marty isn't a narc, but only because he'd be shit at it
---

Dan Slimmon: one thing Marty doesn't do is surveillance e ever since ever I'm pretty sure and I'll tell you why I'm sure it's not because Badger Technologies says it doesn't I I would I don't trust that But I went to stop and shop today just to check some stuff out before I record the podcast And by my [00:48:00] count there are a total of 77 surveillance cameras at the stop and shop 11 on the outside and 66 on the inside

Jacqueline: And are you the guy that the the grocery before in.

Dan Slimmon: Somebody's gotta do it That's only that's just the obvious ones I mean I was just walking around like looking at where I ever seemed to be a a surveillance camera There's probably more than that and I as far as I know nobody's ever counted before So I feel pretty proud I did some original research for this episode

Jacqueline: like flagged now

Dan Slimmon: great

Jacqueline: sort of some,

Dan Slimmon: my goal

Jacqueline: flagged.

Dan Slimmon: I gotta get on some lists You're not a real podcaster unless you're on some lists it's it's the most it's the most heavily surveilled place that you go every week is the supermarket You're [00:49:00] and everywhere you stand you're on like two or three cameras So why would you need Marty to do surveillance when you have that many cameras Right That but that that's been the rumor there There they've had rumors that Marty doesn't um that Marty is there to like stop people shoplifting or to spy on their purchasing habits but I I both for the reason that that they're already heavily surveilled and they're already tracking you with the membership rewards program and probably your credit card And also for the reason that I do not think Badger Technologies is competent to build a robot that would be good at surveillance I don't think that that's what it actually does

in fact Badger says Marty doesn't upload any imagery to the cloud It says that it does all its work locally on the machine and it only uploads images to the to the internet if if it needs to be operated remotely If it's like stuck in a corner and somebody has to take it over remotely and move it out of the corner [00:50:00] then it'll then it uploads images to the internet so to so somebody can like pilot it now I asked them I emailed them to be like now you guys say that all the images processed locally but then you also say that it's uploaded to the cloud for piloting So can the images that are uploaded to the cloud for the remote operation be used to like train AI models or spy on people or whatever Do you have like the same privacy restrictions on those They did not get back to me so no answer on that yet

Jacqueline: We'll give them the benefit of the doubt though. Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah Yeah They seem they seem to be on the up and up

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Marty is a waste of money and time
---

Dan Slimmon: So I think I I think at least for its stated purposes Marty is largely a waste of money For example with spill detection like we said there's no way this box of bolts is actually preventing in injuries by by badger's own findings Marty can take eight trips through the store every day So that's about one trip every two hours So on average from the time a spill [00:51:00] happens to the time Marty would encounter that spill you would expect it to be on average an hour and up to two hours before Marty finds the spill

That's a long time

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: else is gonna see it first or somebody's gonna slip on it first

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: uh and and then and that's just that's assuming it's a hundred percent successful at identifying spills But Marty can't even detect Sugar spill according to a stop and shop worker interviewed in 2020 You know sugar is extremely slippery on a wax floor Maybe one of the most dangerous slip hazards you can have in a supermarket especially since the floors are white And Marty just rattles on by like I didn't see nothing

Jacqueline: gotta go see my guy, Dan.

Dan Slimmon: yeah yeah I've watched many videos in which Marty detects a spill I'll share some of them with [00:52:00] you as far as I can tell from any of the videos I've seen there's no actual spill

​

Dan Slimmon: So in this one we can see there is an object on the floor It looks like a small paper box that has fallen off of the rack and is resting on the floor partway below one of the shelves I am not the greatest Walker I'm not a very coordinated person I did this does not look dangerous to me

Jacqueline: I mean, Marty disagrees clearly. He's yelling in Spanish,

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: whatever the language he is programmed to yell in.

Dan Slimmon: yeah This is freaking Marty out Marty is like tripping balls right now looking at this little box on the floor here's another here's another clip

yeah So in that one it appears to be like a paper napkin or something that has got Marty all in [00:53:00] a kerfuffle and eventually a an associate just comes by and presses the button on Marty to tell him to keep moving

Jacqueline: I like that. He

Dan Slimmon: Um

Jacqueline: anti masker, though. He's got a nice little

Dan Slimmon: oh yeah

Jacqueline: that, Marty, you know?

Dan Slimmon: Yep He's staying safe he's very bad at social distancing though

Jacqueline: He doesn't believe in that part.

Dan Slimmon: yeah And then that one you can clearly see the associate does this many times a day because this is part of working at Stop and Shop now She's clearly like doesn't even think twice about just like boop um which rules Great great productivity hack stop and shop All right I have one more video to show you out the bottle where Can you like laser?

can't you like laser pointer it or something

so this is what it does It just wastes everybody's time all day And I looked pretty hard I was not able to find a [00:54:00] single video of Marty finding something that actually looked dangerous like a thing somebody might hurt themself on So what's the goddamn point Right Well Badger Technologies tells us what the goddamn point is in one of their brochures quote some believe the mere presence of the robot and its robust technology is causing the legal community to shy away from obviously bogus claims

So so Marty's not about keeping people safe it's about stop and shop being able to protect itself from negligence claims because it can be like oh your Honor would a would a negligent business spend $50,000 a year on a robot to keep its customers safe from banana peels Right

Jacqueline: Passes through at least one to two times an hour.

Dan Slimmon: yeah Clearly we too

Jacqueline: information. Like

how are they, how are they proving then that it, if they're not saving the information that Marty is collecting

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: then how are they [00:55:00] proving a case?

Dan Slimmon: I would love to if you're a if you're a stop and shop manager and you know the answer to that question I would love to interview you for the podcast cause I don't know the answer to that either I think the idea is just that like if you're super lazy lawsuit filer who slipped and you know got injured at hired Carter Mario or whatever that you you're gonna need to prove that Stop and Shop was negligent in in not cleaning up the spill And the presence of Marty and the amount that they're spending on Marty itself is evidence that like they're not negligent

now what if what if Marty's other stated purpose price checking like I don't doubt that it saves the supermarket money to have Marty check the prices instead of a human doing it I think they probably save money on labor by [00:56:00] having a robot do that job But also so what as as a shopper why do I give a shit if stop and shop saves money That's not my that's none of my concern and and it's not necessary if it's only necessary because of all these games they're playing where they change the prices every day It it like I go to a small Italian market down the street a lot a lot They don't need a robot it's crawling with employees Everybody's aware of everything happening in the store all the time There's no need to have a industrial scale re-price checking effort every day because they don't have to play these little games where they're where they're tweaking the prices to get the extra little profit margin bumps

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: now the prices at the Italian market are somewhat higher than stop and shop prices Sure But the solution to that problem is not build a nationwide system of [00:57:00] conglomerated superstores that use creepy robots to check all the prices The solution is enforce the goddamn Robinson Patman Act

Jacqueline: have a local grocery store, Highland Park Market, um, who like is beloved by the community here because they have so many employees pay them really well. They don't have a Marty and seemingly no one

Dan Slimmon: Yeah exactly So they could enforce the Robinson Patman Act and and then you know suddenly we don't have this problem anymore or or better yet Um and I know this is my solution for everything but I really think it would work What if all the workers got together and seized the means of production Just just just throwing that out there That might be a fun idea Um somebody should somebody ought to look into that I came up with it though That was my idea Um so so

Jacqueline: but you came up with [00:58:00] that.

Dan Slimmon: so so this is all bullshit Um it's it's it's spill detection is bullshit It's price checking is socially harmful

Marty's real talent: shilling
---

Dan Slimmon: but there is one role in which Marty actually pulls its weight and then some And that is Marty's role as a PR tool Marty is pretty optimized for being a PR tool For one thing It's popular with kids Kids like to give it hugs and take pictures with it Go figure I discourage it in my own daughter

I overheard another dad the other day in the produce department tell his sons no we're not gonna take a picture with Marty And when they asked why he said because I don't like robots so I'm not alone

Jacqueline: Good

Dan Slimmon: Um it's good That's good parenting

Jacqueline: surprise. Kids like it though, like. They wouldn't be afraid that it, it's the googly eyes, I assume

Dan Slimmon: It's the googly eyes right

Jacqueline: yeah.[00:59:00]

Dan Slimmon: That's right you can find lots of photos on social on social media of kids with Marty or hugging Marty or being excited to see Marty Um I don't know I don't get it stop and shop Celebrated Marty's first birthday in 2020 with a birthday party Uh here's a local news story about it from uh WCVB channel five Boston

Marty, the googly-eyed robot that helps with store cleanup and surveillance is celebrating its first birthday. It's been one year since the robots roll out across over 300 stop and shop locations. Last January, shopper celebrated the occasion with birthday cake and party activities. Something tells me that Marty probably didn't partake in any of the cake.

No, but you know how he celebrated? There was probably a cleanup. On aisle 12 of birthday cake. Well, exactly. That's what I was gonna say. They dumped the birthday cake. Yeah. I didn't know that robot had a name. Frankly, I didn't either. You know, we do. You know, it's so personable though, with [01:00:00] those googly eyes.

It just, well now I'm gonna go up and try and say shake hands, but I don't think Marty has any arms.

offensive to have a

Jacqueline: him more,

Dan Slimmon: I uh same Jackie same to have a birthday party for a robot Fuck off

Jacqueline: who is also just like bad at his job.

he hasn't proven himself. He is like the worst employee. He needs other people to help him do his job constantly.

Dan Slimmon: But he has the most important characteristic for an employee which is that he's perfectly obedient

Jacqueline: Like a, they give birthday parties for everybody else that works in Stop the Shop because I

Dan Slimmon: I

Jacqueline: a birthday

Dan Slimmon: almost certainly not yeah just the robots And also I found the anchors in that news program disappointing for a Boston News program cause like none of them was even holding a Dunkin Donuts cup No nobody nobody brought out how much the Yankees suck Like you can do better Boston

Jacqueline: Accents, at least have an accent.

Dan Slimmon: Right right Maddy this fucking [01:01:00] dimwit

Another way Marty helps with PR is that stop and shop management is always trying to trot it out for charity events they brought Marty to Fenway Park as part of their participation in Hunger Action Month which is a national campaign held every September to raise awareness and inspire action to end hunger in America It's essentially a charity drive which you know it's cheap and convenient if you're stop and shop to participate in Hunger Action Month cause then you get to long your reputation through a month long selfies with Marty Charity Drive once a year in support of underserved communities they say which are of course communities that Ahold Delhaize has been busting its ass for decades to under serve all year round

Jacqueline: Do you think he got there like a convertible maybe

Dan Slimmon: I hope they had him walk

Jacqueline: at one one mile an hour from the nearest stop and shop.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I don't I think I wonder if he I think he don't think he would be able to get through the door of the tea [01:02:00] so that's a good question Marty visits elementary school classes Marty did a photo op where it hugged a cancer kid uh or I guess a cancer kid hugged it cause Marty doesn't have arms What does sad Make A wish right

Jacqueline: It's a horrible makea wish.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: It's, I hate all of that. Also, what school is allowing stop and shop to come in with a

Dan Slimmon: Yeah

Jacqueline: to indoctrinate these children, that this googly-eyed guy is fine. Like we should be excited about all of it. Oh my God, this

Dan Slimmon: exactly the same playbook as as officer friendly I don't know Maybe it was a skill maybe it was a school that had a big problem with slip hazards and they needed Marty to come in and do some safety marshaling Um

Jacqueline: an assembly and like to get outta class, but

Dan Slimmon: sure

Jacqueline: how long do you think that meeting Marty would've taken? [01:03:00] explained both of his jobs that he's really, really bad at. then what.

Dan Slimmon: they could have it like roll around the classroom but it would probably immediately stop cause it doesn't know what carpets are

Jacqueline: Inspired a generation

Dan Slimmon: Um

Jacqueline: minds.

Dan Slimmon: yeah I mean somebody somebody probably they you bring you bring anything to enough classrooms Um Marty will probably be the cause of somebody's sexual awakening which we'll find out through their criminal record about 30 years I have not looked up if there's rule 34 of Marty but I bet I bet it's out there

Hey, this is Dan just checking in after the fact.

I looked it up. There is no Marty hentai on the internet, so everybody. Get on it. yeah So This is Marty's main job I think is like they have Marty Plushies they have Marty Chew toys for dogs He's all over It's all over the Stop and Shop Instagram Marty's main job is as a is to be a PR tool and to [01:04:00] help launder stop and shops reputation And and none of it would work without Tina Song who stuck those giant googly eyes on it right It was she she's the one who turned this creepy ass loser of a robot that doesn't even know how to spot a sugar spill into an Instagram star I I think Stop and Shop owes Tina song like millions of dollars Tina if you're out there

Jacqueline: Mm-hmm.

Dan Slimmon: hope you got yours

Jacqueline: Yeah. Otherwise he wouldn't be as charismatic, I

Dan Slimmon: No no he's horrifying Without the without the eyes Yeah it's it's ugly as shit why would you even want that on your Instagram

Marty as alibi
---

Dan Slimmon: now there is at least one very well documented case of Stop and Shop of a Stop and Shop customer benefiting concretely from the existence of Marty or at least almost benefiting from the existence of Marty Not quite but it wasn't as a spill cleaner upper or a price verifier Marty served [01:05:00] Michelle Troconis in a different way because in May of 2019 Connecticut blogger and writer Jennifer Dulos disappeared from her home her disappearance came after a series of disturbing interactions with her estranged husband fo Dulos that culminated in Jennifer seeking an emergency custody order for their five children to get them away from her husband who was like losing it so naturally the Connecticut State Police got involved started investigating Dulos and his live-in girlfriend Michelle Troconis And these people the husband and the husband's girlfriend are terrible at murder police searched Michelle Troconis's house and they actually find a handwritten page of notes where she and her boyfriend had basically written a script with all of their alibis and this was like weeks after the disappearance So she had written down they had written down all their alibis together and then kept the paper Couldn't even be bothered to like memorize the story and burn [01:06:00] the paper like what the fuck are you doing Um

Jacqueline: you shouldn't be committing murder clearly.

Dan Slimmon: right yeah it's just the laziness offends me anyway Most of Troconis's alibis don't even hold up to questioning because she changes her story every time she talks to the cops She just cannot keep her story straight But one of the few consistent things about her story to the police is that on the morning of May 24th which is the morning after Jennifer Dulos's disappearance Troconis went to the Simsbury stop and shop to take selfies with Marty

Jacqueline: Is really specific.

Dan Slimmon: Every time they ask her about May 24th she says well I was definitely at the stop and shop I was wearing These are the clothes I was wearing And I took a selfie with Marty at exactly nine 17 and I posted it to Instagram So I you can't have been burying a body or anything cause uh there's all this evidence that I was at Stop and Shop if I was on trial for murder and I could prove my innocence just by showing the judge that I took a selfie with Marty [01:07:00] I would take that selfie to my grave I it's like too embarrassing for it to be on the public record that I as a grown adult drove to stop and shop to take a picture with fucking Marty Just send me to prison

Jacqueline: Yeah, so. The next time that I hear that you had done that, I'd be like, ah, yeah, Dan definitely murdered somebody.

Dan Slimmon: Yep

Jacqueline: You gotta

Dan Slimmon: Thanks for covering for me Jackie

Jacqueline: Yeah.

Dan Slimmon: there's a there's a I wish I could have found the actual selfie for you but I I I spent a good hour digging through court filings and also the still active justice for Michelle Trois Instagram account that protests her innocence Um but it's seemingly seems to be sadly lost to time anyway uh

Marty doesn't replace workers: it's just another boss
---

Dan Slimmon: there's there's a lot's been written about Marty especially from the point of view that it replaces workers But what strikes me most in reading about Marty is how much Marty doesn't replace workers [01:08:00] you know it doesn't do anybody's actual job It doesn't fix the incorrect prices It just makes reports and it tells humans To go fix the prices It doesn't clean up spills it calls a human over to clean up the spill It's it's not a virtual teammate as Stop and Shop's PR machine is so fond of calling it it's a virtual boss

Jacqueline: Yeah. Yeah. It's telling people what to do.

Dan Slimmon: like we it's somebody's boss which fucking sucks and and is a pretty widespread situation and becoming more widespread in the modern world I think like a business gets a new piece of technology All management sees the costs and benefits right It's like it costs $50,000 and it lowers our legal exposure by this much and prevents this many lost sales per month or whatever Meanwhile the worker is concerned mainly with Doing what Marty says when you know Marty stops and [01:09:00] flashes yellow and a worker has to come press the button or get us to shut the fuck up somehow Marty sees that there's items out of stock on aisle L 12 A worker has to go restock them and and everybody becomes completely alienated from the fundamental social aim of having grocery stores in the first place which is to feed people who need food

Jacqueline: think that I could take instructions from someone who had googly eyes,

Dan Slimmon: Absolutely they could How much money could they save if they would just get rid of Marty and give all of the managers googly eye glasses

right

Jacqueline: then I would definitely go back to.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah I'd be on the Instagram engaging with the Instagram content That's a

Jacqueline: Yeah,

Dan Slimmon: write this down It's a great idea except I would want my kid to hug the manager with googly eyes even less than Marty So maybe that doesn't work

Jacqueline: That's really fair. Maybe we just don't do any of this.

Dan Slimmon: Maybe maybe we just now [01:10:00] don't have don't have supermarkets anymore I don't know Just spitballing Anyway so so far in 2026 the Stop and Shop Instagram account has made at least six Marty related posts one of these was like a congratulations on the hundredth day of school e-card with a picture of Marty dressed up like a school teacher when I told my mother-in-law about this who's the who's the sweetest person in the world and never says anything unkind she said they should just shoot him

Suzanne I I know you're listening and you're so right they should just shoot him

Jacqueline: If he just gave him a

Dan Slimmon: So on that note

Jacqueline: too.

Dan Slimmon: Yeah but patrol they need to rebrand the patrol bot ritual suicide bot Now we're onto something

Jacqueline: of all the

Dan Slimmon: just Yeah if Marty's self immolated that would be the biggest story in Connecticut News for a month

Jacqueline: It would be, yeah,

Dan Slimmon: There would be celebrations in the street They just don't have the balls

Sayonara, shoppers
---

Dan Slimmon: Thanks so much Jackie for [01:11:00] uh for for being on this podcast This has been very silly and I've had a great time telling you about this useless toaster I hope you've had fun too

Jacqueline: Yeah. This is great. Thanks for having me.

Dan Slimmon: maybe when we do the um the self checkout episode we can ha ha have you back on

Jacqueline: Love to love to do that.

Dan Slimmon: yes Good Alright It's a date Alright listeners Well I'm on vacation for the next two weeks so no new episodes until March 25th when we will be back with a two-parter on Elon Musk's incredible Holocaust denying ai chatbot grok And until then I remain your host Dan Slim and this remains the Internet's only techno Pessimist podcast technology blows.

Jacqueline: It's gonna be a real positive one.

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